It’s Not Just a Dog: The Hierarchy That’s Quietly Destroying Us

A callout and a call-in for anyone tired of being dismissed, talked down to, or ignored--
just for being younger, softer, different, or done pretending.

It wasn’t about the leash.
It wasn’t about the dog.
It was about the response—the way I was dismissed, overcorrected, and talked over under the guise of
authority. I mentioned that a neighbor’s dog had shown signs of aggression, likely from trauma and
mistreatment, and the landlord’s response was to tell everyone to leash their dogs—as if the
problem was freedom and not conditioning.

It hit me:
This is how we’re taught to relate to everything.
Not with curiosity. Not with communication.
But with correction.
And the more I sat with it, the more I saw the thread. This isn’t just about pet behavior.
It’s about people behavior.

We’ve all been raised in a hierarchy that tells us:

• If you're younger, you don't know anything.
• If you're older, you’re automatically right.
• If you're not a parent, you’re not fully grown.
• If you're not in power, sit down.

“Just a dog. Just a kid. Just a woman. Just…”You’ve heard it.

The subtle authority slips:

• “You're just emotional.”
• “You’ll understand when you're older.”
• “You don’t have kids, so what do you know about responsibility?”
• “It’s always been this way, so who are you to question it now?”

It’s not just ageism. It’s not just sexism. It’s not just trauma.
It’s the entire structure of domination disguised as maturity.
We’ve been groomed to believe that rank equals value.
That if you’re older, louder, or in charge, then your word is the law—even when it's rooted in harm.

Let’s Talk About the Middle-Aged Limbo Nobody Addresses
There’s this unspoken void those of us in our 30s and 40s fall into—especially if we don’t have kids.
We’re not "young and free" anymore, but we’re still treated like we’re not fully formed.
Not real adults.
Not part of the conversation.
Too old for the party, too young for the boardroom.
And if we don’t have a family or children? We’re treated like we opted out of “real” adulthood.
Like we missed the mark on what it means to be wise, capable, or valid.
You can be running a business, healing from trauma, supporting your community, and managing an
entire household alone—and still get treated like you’re in some suspended adolescence just because
you’re not someone’s mom or someone’s wife.
It’s exhausting. And it’s infantilizing.

The Real Drain on Society Isn’t Youth. It’s Dismissiveness.
It’s not the next generation “not wanting to work.”
It’s not people speaking up “too much.”
It’s the decades of communication being a one-way street, and everyone below the power line being told to
sit down, shut up, and listen.
That’s not order. That’s oppression.
We talk about Congress being stale and expired—but that same rot shows up in family dynamics,
in friendships, in dog parks, in workplace hierarchies.
It's not just about politics.
It’s about the culture of assumed superiority.
And the way it’s bled into how we speak to kids, animals, clients, strangers, anyone younger, softer,
or less interested in fighting for authority.

My Dog Isn’t “Just a Dog”—He’s a Being
I talk to Deanie like he’s a person. Because he is—in his own right.
I explain things to him. I give him space to process. I correct him with redirection, not rage.
And yet I see people hit their dogs when they “act out,” then wonder why the dog is aggressive.
Just like I see parents yell at their kids for crying, then wonder why their kid doesn’t open up to them anymore.
Just like I see elders ignore their adult children’s boundaries, then wonder why no one comes around.
We are taught that obedience = love, and we pass it down like a trauma inheritance.

But What If We Flipped the Whole Thing?What if…

• We raised kids like we raise future equals?
• We treated animals like intelligent beings instead of problems to manage?
• We gave adults without kids the same respect and credibility we give those with families?
• We stopped treating age as a badge and started treating it like a bridge?

What if the power wasn't in having the final say—but in inviting the other person in?

This Is the Work Now
This is the blog post.
This is the podcast.
This is the clubhouse conversation, the client session, the dinner table talk.
This is the call to unlearn hierarchy in all its forms.
From the top-down parenting to the passive-aggressive management to the "I'm older so I'm right" dynamic
that robs every generation of healing.
We don’t need more leaders barking commands.
We need guides who listen.
We need people who can model what it means to lead without dominating, to correct without destroying,
and to relate without diminishing.

Because the truth is: 
​You don’t need a crown to lead.
You don’t need to be a parent to matter.
You don’t need to be 65 to be taken seriously.
And your dog?
He’s not “just a dog.”
He’s a mirror, a teacher, and a soul who’s healing right beside you.

Let’s throw out the leash mentality.
Let’s retire the ranking system.
Let’s start creating spaces where communication flows in both directions.
Where the middle-aged aren’t invisible, and the younger generations aren’t disrespected for their clarity.
We’ve tried the hierarchy.
It’s old. It’s loud. And it’s not working.
Let’s try something better.